CheetahhhhhhhBlog Mark III

While I love the Kabul French Bakery, indeed my life here in Kabul would be a little sad without its chocolate croissants and carrot cake… despite all this, I am sad to report that they gave me some kind of bacterium on Thursday and I spent the whole weekend (Fri and Sat) on the toilet. Luckily I had a good supply of Gatorade on hand. One of the ladies in my building gave me some anti-diahhreal medicine and I got better quickly. I know it was the French Baker because I am ultra-paranoid about bacteria in this environment. You have to keep in mind, the water is completely untreated, garbage is just thrown on the street, etc. So Kabul is a big Petrie dish. We do (thank God) have the German Hospital here, which is apparently quite good. I might have a bit of a racial preference (I’m half German) but I am inclined to trust my health to a German MD. But on the other hand I’m not insane, so I take every possible measure to avoid contact with bacteria. This means a lot of things you guys back in the civilized world probably don’t even consider. When I take a shower, I keep my mouth shut tight, so not a drop of water gets in. I brush my teeth and wash the brush with bottled water. My dishes are washed by my maid, but she washes them in untreated water, so I wait 24 hours for them to dry completely and totally. I could go on. For example, I know one guy washes the cans of his canned food before he opens them. Unless he’s washing them in bottled water, I think he’s wasting his time, but that’s his business. One really big thing I do here is I don’t eat out much at all, because I have no way of assessing sanitation. Indeed several times people have invited me to go out with them and I replied that “Unless I can physically watch them prepare the food, forget it.” Now, when my family comes here in January, I suppose we will go out a bit, but this will be to places that can be guaranteed to practice good sanitation, such as the Intercontinental Hotel’s $40 all-you-can-eat buffet.

Anyway I realized I have overlooked one vector bacteria transmission. That would be my hands. You wash them with soap, but you’re still washing them in untreated water. I’m going to buy several gallon-jugs of that goopy hand-sanitizer stuff and use it constantly.

Maybe this sounds like I’m paranoid. Well, I think in this environment you’re a fool if you’re not. Furthermore I have never actually had a particularly strong constiution, and a real actual medical problem, such as typhoid (which is rampant here) would probably give me a real knock-out punch. Furthermore I remember when I had dengue fever in Laos. So I know what a terrible 3rd world disease is like. I also know how terribly hopeless the situation can seem when there is no (what I would consider) proper medical facility nearby. THUS yes, I’m paranoid, and I’m staying paranoid until such a time as I return to a locale where typhoid is not rampant.
I’m also giving myself a heavy dose of amoxicillin as a precaution.

Makes me think of the old Brit colonists in Africa and India. In many ways we modern expats are just a continuation of this economic cycle. And those old Brit colonists in Africa and India must have felt exactly the same as me.

There’s not a lot to tell since I spent the weekend on the toilet. I did find a store that sells (illegal ) booze. They wanted $100 for a bottle of Dewer’s. Forget it, I’m not that thirsty. I did however buy 6 cans of Danish beer, I forget the name but my colleagues told me it was really good, for $4 each. I’m glad to have the beer, but $24 for a six-pack. Come on. Really, come on.
The other news is we are entering negotiations to buy one of the units in our condo compound in Manila. I’m doing this mostly for Bug, if you want to know the truth. I want him to feel he was a home. Children need stability, and also children can’t really picture the future. I could say “We’ll buy a home in 3 years” but this means nothing to a 4 year old. So we will spend most of our December and summer holidays “back home”, and I imagine this will be good for Bug’s mental health. Also, my family is coming here in Jan, but I am going to be prepared to evacuate them if the situation destabilizes, to I want to have somewhere to send them. Right now there is what is generally referred to as the “Ring of Iron” around Kabul. I haven’t actually seen the defences personally but apparently they are formidable. And as a result Kabul is actually pretty safe. As I’ve remarked before, it’s actually safer than Manila. But the situation could change, in which case I’ll evacuate them back to Manila.

I have started making enquiries about putting Bug into the international school here in Kabul, which will be good for him. He’ll make friends, and most of them will be the children of diplomats etc, so he’ll probably have good company. Also the school is conveniently lose to my house.

My maid here is a nice woman who speaks not a lick of English. I eventually made an agreement with her that she’d wash and iron my clothes for $40 a month. Got my first delivery this morning. I feel fresh and crisp. Money well spent.

One of the nice things about Kabul is there is nothing to spend your money on besides food. Naturally every foreigner in Kabul is here as an economic endeavor, and so everybody remarks about how it’s nice there’s nothing to spend your money on. This would be weird anywhere else but here, yeah, it’s a plus. Those with wives have the added expense of the Serena Hotel beauty spa, which is apparently where the wives hang out. Those with children have the added expense of the international school. But even still, my expenses are pleasantly low.

I have been here for going on 3 weeks and I can say this. If there wasn’t a war going on, I’d probably like Kabul. Afghanis are warm and friendly. They don’t try to charge inflated prices to foreigners, which is a pleasant surprise. The town is very relaxed and laid back, and life is simple here. If the war stops some day, I’d probably really like it here.

Well it should come as no surprise that Kabul is, by most people’s standards, a bit of a s-hole, because of the Talaban and 25 years of war & etc etc. However, I will say this. There are so many foreigners here working, making salaries with danger pay (which means a lot more money than usual) that there are surprisingly good restaurants, and lots of foreign food available in the grocery stores. Much more so than in Manila for example. I came here expecting literally nothing, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Kabul has got to be one of the few places left on earth where you frequently see horses and donkeys drawing carts down the street.

Yesterday I went to the French Baker, who has apparently been in business since 1970. So he survived the Russians and the Taliban, and I dare say the reason is because he is so frakkin delicious. I got fresh croissants, chocolate croissants, beef pies, apple pies, and fresh home made yoghurt. I went home and gorged myself with the first delicious food I’ve had since I came here. Thank God for the French Bakery. Seriously, thank God. I will be a regular.

I don’t know if I mentioned this previously but I got a 5% raise. It’s nice to show up at a job and immediately get a raise.

All my money is being sent directly to my super-secret Isle of Man bank account. I like banking there mostly just for show. I bank offshore in a tax haven. Since I actually do report my income to the IRS, I’m not getting away with anything, so like I said, it’s mostly for show. I do have one complaint though. They charge you half your spleen to do anything. For example a wire transfer costs between 19 sterling and 49 sterling, depending, and that’s a lot for a wire.

This is neither here nor there at the moment however, because the Ministry of Labor has my passport, and so because of Afghan regulations I can’t actually get any money out of here yet. Soon though.

I dare say I am one of the most heavily insured people I know. I know this mostly just because I ask people about it, in order to see if I’m paying too much for insurance. But I actually have 3 medical insurance policies on myself (don’t ask, it’s complicated, partly to do with Afghan coverage, partly to do with covering my family, and it’s cheaper to buy a family policy than to insure them individually). I also have 2 life insurance policies on myself, this again partly owing to the Afghan situation. I also have expat property insurance, carefully itemized because of the prevalence of theft in Manila, and so Van has started wearing her diamonds again, and I can now wear my Breitling watch without having to fight a mugger for it. I mention all this just because if you would have talked to me a few years ago, I would have laughed about insurance and described it as a form of gambling. Now, as a stock trader, I have come to regard it as a form of hedging, and if there is one thing a stock trader learns quickly, it’s that things will eventually go wrong and this must be prepared for. Now Van has twice been in the hospital since we’ve been married, and if I’d been clever enough to insure us like we are now, the insurance would have already paid for itself. Not to mention the theft of her purse and Bug’s PSP a few months ago. I can’t say I’m entirely happy giving various insurance companies a chunk of my income every month, but I do sleep a bit easier at night.

Speaking of sleeping easier, no prescription is required for anything in this country, and the drugs come from India and Pakistan, and so are very cheap, and just as effective as the American or German drugs that cost a fortune elsewhere. Ambien for example costs $3 for a box of 10, and I’ve been having beautiful, delicious sleep. Indeed drugs are one of the few things that are actually cheap here.

I tried my first Afghan food the other day in the school canteen. The canteen has a South African chef who actually makes pretty good western food, believe it or not, and the place is very sanitary, so I have pretty good lunches there. I was in no mood to try Afghan food for a long while, mostly just because I’m a picky eater and not too interested in going off the beaten (culinary) path. My colleagues hassled me a bit about this. I’ve been in Asia for 10 years now and really, all I can say is, I know what I like, which is primarily Italian and Thai and Indian food, and I’d just prefer to stick with it if you don’t mind. But anyway I tried Afghan food. It was OK. Can’t really describe whatever spice they used. Long grain rice with vegetables in some curry-ish sauce, with kebab-ish meat that was marinated in some Afghan fashion. It was OK. I did, however, really like the Afghan flat bread. It’s not really flat pita bread, like the Arabs eat. It obviously has a bit of yeast in it and while flat, it does have the bread-like substance of western bread. It’s stone-baked and quite delicious. I’m probably going to start stopping on the roadside and picking some up.

My house is brand spanking new, and part of the reason I don’t have internet there yet is because the university is busy rushing to get everything necessary for a new house. EVery day I get something new delivered. I now have a desk and a closet and a washing machine, for example. I wonder what they’ll bring tomorrow. Apparently a TV is in the works. But what I really want is internet, fer chrissake. I could almost skip everything else. I’m sure it’s coming soon though.

I have heard nothing of the war, though one of my colleagues told me she heard mortar fire the other night. Maybe I was out cold on Ambien. But any fighting is in the mountains above the city, so I’m not actually concerned in the least, which is a surprise to me, but it’s true. Apparently 60% of the Afghan population is in favor of the American military intervention here, and actually this doesn’t surprise me given what lunatics the Taliban are. Also the Taliban are not Afghanis, they’re actually Sunni Arabs (Afghans are Sufi and not ethnically Arab), mostly from Saudi, so support for the Taliban has never been very high. I imagine the reason on 60% of Afghanis support the US here, and not 100%, is primarily because we’re an occupying army, and who likes an occupying army. To make matters more complicated, Afghanistan is a tribal society with 5 or 6 different racial groups (some of them quite Asiatic, they look like Filipinos), none of whom particularly like each other. A lot of the fighting is one tribe against the other, and actually has nothing to do with the Taliban or the USA. The gist of all this, I suppose, is that the current situation in Afghanistan is extremely complicated, and unlikely to be solved any time soon. I was told one good thing, however. In a few months it will get very cold and snow in the mountains will make it almost impossible for the Taliban to come up from the south and create mayhem, and it will be too cold for fighting anyway. So apparently it’s actually pretty peaceful here from December until April or so, when the snow starts to melt in the mountains.

Anyway that’s the news from Bravo 13 at Tango 9 (ie me, at my house, and actually I changed the Tango number for security reasons). Cheers from central Asia.

Still in Kabul. I’ve woken up a few times and been surprised about this.

Anyway so the tribes in the mountains above Kabul were having a little mini-war with each other, and they started creeping down the mountain toward the university, so we all went on security lockdown. I didn’t see or hear any fighting and they were interested in killing each other, not us. The primary danger here is stray bullets and ricochets.

The big danger is NATO and US military convoys. This is what the Talaban like to blow up. So on the street the drivers always avoid the military convoys, just so we’re not caught up in any violence. Yesterday I was out shopping at the pharmacy and as we were coming out onto the street, a NATO convoy started passing by, and my guard grabbed me and rushed me to the car.

Despite all this, I actually feel safer here than in Manila, believe it or not.

Food is outrageously expensive. A little carton of yoghurt is $1.50 which is ridiculous. I suppose if I ate Afghan food, whatever that might be, it would be a lot cheaper.

Like any small expat community, this community is very small and incestuous and gossipy. Got to watch what I say because everybody will know in 30 minutes. I already know who is not speaking to whom, about a couple of teachers who are “always stoned”, and I also know about a pending sexual harassment lawsuit.

Because of high security I haven’t seen much. I could go out on my own in a taxi if I wanted, and generally I would, but I have small children who need their father and so I plan to avoid risk, and so I don’t go out on my own. This might get really boring soon but I have a Kindle, a PSP, and computer games.

There is still no internet at my house but hopefully today or tomorrow, after which I will call my family etc.

So that’s about it, cheers from Kabul.

So I went out to eat last night. You wouldn’t imagine there are nice places in Kabul but apparently there are lots, and this is because there is a lot of money floating around the city, and a lot of foreign workers such as myself who are making high salaries, and the result is there are a lot of nice places to go. Surprisingly enough. Yesterday I went to a restaurant called Atmosphere. You go through security, through some metal doors, down a gravel path, and then suddenly you’re in a beautiful garden with trees and flowers and wicker chairs. They serve expensive french food, very nice actually. Much better than anything I’ve found in Manila, surprisingly enough. Everyone there was a foreigner, particularly 20-something American aid workers flirting with each other. Anyway Cheetahhhhhhh the food critic gives Atmosphere an A.

I’m in Kabul, sitting in my office. Just got the internet up today. There will be internet in my house in a few days.

Well my intro to Afghanistan was getting a boarding pass for Safi Air in the Dubai airport, where I had to literally wait in line for hours. Waiting to the point where the 7 or 8 people in front of me all said “Fuck this” and stormed off. I endured and got a boarding pass. While waiting I noticed that the flight attendants all carried big grocery bags full of McDonald’s onto the plane. Stocking up I suppose, there’s no fast food here.

I live in a very high security environment. We can’t just walk around. We’re taken everywhere by a driver and guard. This is like a chauffeur service so it’s OK actually. There are two guards at my house, one with an AK47. All the staff have code names. I’m Tango 13. There is a big military presence in Kabul, soldiers everywhere, which is good I suppose.

These points aside I haven’t actually seen anything dangerous, though I’ve only been here 2 days.

My colleagues all seem nice. The house is nice though a bit dirty, and they’re still installing things (it’s a brand new house) so for example I have no TV or wardrobe or oven gas yet. These things are being swiftly attended to.

At a staff meeting today the president of the university went on a bit about how if you read the New York Times, you’d think things are going to hell in a handbasket here. He said on the contrary, things are shaping up nicely in Kabul, there are a lot of new building sprouting up, roads are being repaired, etc. It was nice to have a positive outlook and I hope he’s right. I don’t think he would have any reason to not give his honest opinion.